We have no hope of finding a publisher, which means our only option is to self-publish. Now, let’s say that I am able to find several skilled artists willing to work for free who stick with the project (ha!). Because they can’t work full time, and with how difficult it is to make something that looks good these days (modeling, animating, skinning, special effects, etc.), we’re looking at something like *three years* to complete something that could be remotely successful.

Look, I’m almost 30 and living at home (there’s some more ammo for you, Zap). It’s not fair to my family to continue to be a burden for several more years, all to chase some dream which may or may not pan out. At some point, you have to get real, stop chasing dreams, and move on with your life. That scenario I painted is about the rosiest of rosy scenarios – a much more realistic scenario is that I recruit like crazy only to have people not do their work – or take so long that by the time everything gets done, some studio’s already copied our idea, or the technology/graphics look incredibly outdated by the time everything’s done. I don’t have enough money, nor could I possibly earn enough to pay people enough to incentive them to keep working and finish. I just don’t.

I would obviously love to keep it going, but I just don’t see any possible way. I know it’s all very abrupt, but wake up calls tend to be. I always knew it’d be a longshot, but it was naive to think there even *was* a shot. When I read what everyone had to say on gamedev.net (keep in mind these are experienced people – one of them even helps indies find publishers, and he most of all thought we were doomed), it completely gelled with everything I learned in my experience with venture capitalists (people who fund startup companies for a living). In my naivete, I thought maybe that game publishers were a little more liberal than standard investors, when in reality, they’re even *more* conservative. A VC would settle for a prototype, whereas a game publisher wants far more than that – they want a completed game. I had no way of knowing that without going through the process first… or being psychic (which, sad to say, I am not).

If you still think I’m quick to flush it all down the drain, then you’re entitled to your opinion, but that’s my side of it.

Guys like TDF who spent, I’m sure, many many hours sketching up concept art and getting the models to work in-game (especially given he has a life and school on top of that) have been pretty burned by this. This decision was extremely sudden too, and I’m kind of shocked that Carn didn’t fight more to keep the project afloat after all that work had been put into it . Even if this turn of events was going to be inevitable down the road, I still think the turn of events is very disheartening. Despite it looking as though it was a hopeless venture, I’m sure there were many different routes we could have taken to keep things afloat. The massive amount of advice that was given was testament to that. If it were me and I put 2 years worth of work and a pile of cash into something, I wouldn’t be so quick to just flush it down the drain, no matter how bleak the outlook is. Oh well, that’s just the way it goes I suppose.

But not you. I knew you for years and you built yourself a legacy just from doom mapping. I mean you went from this guy who just made some random maps for skulltag into a recognized mapper from every major doom community, and you did it with a wonderful attitude. You treat people right, and in return you are not only respected, but also looked up to. Hell, that’s why I’m taking the time to write this damn thing to you! I guess what I’m trying to say is, you are nothing like Carn; you’re much better than him on so many levels. I don’t know much about the game industry, or 3d mapping, but if you want to get into game design, I do know you shouldn’t give up like he did. And I also know you won’t.

For the past decade-ish, mapping and level design has turned into my passion. Thank god for Doom…I don’t know what I would be doing if it weren’t for it . If I could seriously keep doing that in a way that I still enjoy doing it as a job from day to day, just as I do it now as a hobby, then my dream would be fulfilled. That’s really what I’m looking for and I think that’s what I’m afraid is pretty much impossible. But maybe not…and yes, you are right, I shouldn’t be so rash with my future plans based off of one incident. I have to step back and take what looks like a huge disaster with a grain of salt sometimes

Well hey, thanks for the comment Super Jamie! I hope to be able to put some good work into my future Doom projects and it’s always nice to hear that someone looks forward to my stuff. I’m gonna be hitting Supplice pretty hard, mapping wise, once the resources are taken care of. I’m thinking I’ll probably make a more public announcement about it around then.

Oh and I had no idea folks actually read this blog still. Awesome

If it really is your dream to work on games then do so. There are more ways (and probably easier ways) to get into the games industry than to get famous off of one underdog indie title. I know I’m not the only person who thinks you’re a talented individual and a cool guy, I think you could go far if you set your mind to it.

I’ve never really been into the whole “let’s troll Carnbarn” thing but I will say his personal issues are not your personal issues, so don’t make them yours. It’s arguable that Project Vega showed a degree of naivety and lack of foresight making this the only inevitable conclusion. I don’t know either of you personally that well and I intentionally keep out of the Skulltag community so this is just my objective opinion as an outsider.

Anyway man, for now I’m really keen to see more of your input into TSoZD & Vaporware and I don’t need to tell you how bed-wettingly exciting a Mechadon Megawad is. Perhaps working on a couple of better-organised projects with a positive team like Essel and Vader is exactly what you need.